7 Tips to Salvage Your Sexless Marriage
Feeling stuck in a sexless marriage can be frustrating, but it’s not the end of intimacy in your relationship. Whether the spark has faded due to stress, routine, or life changes, it’s possible to reignite the passion and reconnect with your partner. Here are seven actionable tips to help you and your spouse restore sexual desire and intimacy.
1. Stop Making Excuses
Excuses like “I don’t feel sexy,” “I’m too tired,” or “I’m just not in the mood” can prevent you from experiencing the intimacy you crave. Low desire often leads to avoidance, but the key to reigniting your sex life is to start small. Desire isn’t always spontaneous; it’s often responsive. Set a small daily intention for your sexual health, such as “Today, I will focus on feeling good in my body and find one way to give myself pleasure.” Over time, these small steps can build into a more active and fulfilling sex life.
2. Create Erotic Menus for Different Occasions
One reason many couples experience a sexless marriage is because sex becomes routine, predictable, and, frankly, boring. Just like with food, repeatedly having the same “meal” can make us lose interest. Variety is essential for keeping things exciting. To spice things up, create 3 to 5 different erotic menus with activities you’d like to try. Share these with your partner and take turns initiating something new each week. Discuss what you both enjoy and make room for playful and adventurous experiences to stimulate desire.
3. Kiss Your Way to Better Sex
Couples who are sexless are often also touchless and kissless. Kissing is a powerful form of intimacy that can activate the brain’s pleasure centers, similar to sexual activity. Our mouths, lips, and tongues are highly sensitive and can be a source of arousal and emotional connection. Reintroduce kissing into your relationship, and let it lead the way to rekindling desire. Kissing can also restart arousal after sex, so don’t underestimate the power of a passionate kiss.
4. Do It
Like the famous Nike slogan, sometimes you must jump in and get started. Many couples in a sexless marriage feel unsure of where to begin, which leads to tension and avoidance. Don’t wait for the perfect moment or to have equal desire levels as your partner—desire ebbs and flows in every relationship. What’s important is communication and prioritizing intimacy. The more you engage in sexual activity, the more natural and fulfilling it will become. Desire grows with practice.
5. Set Realistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations about sex can create unnecessary pressure, leading to avoidance. Not all sexual intimacy needs to be passionate lovemaking; it can also be playful, quick, or spontaneous. Focus on pleasure rather than performance. Sex is about giving and receiving pleasure, so if you can find a way to make that the focus, you’ll ease the pressure and enjoy the experience more.
6. More Play is the New Foreplay
Foreplay isn’t just for the bedroom—it can start in the mind and continue throughout the day. I call it more play—the playful, loving, and sensual behaviors that help couples feel connected and desired. Find ways to show your partner that you desire them through verbal and nonverbal communication. When intimacy feels more like fun than work, it becomes something you’ll both look forward to rather than avoid.
7. Get Primal
At the core, sex is about primal intimacy—the need for eye contact, touch, and connection. These primal needs help relax the body and mind, paving the way for deeper, more connected sex. Create an intimacy nest in your home—a private space filled with comforting objects, candles, music, and sensual textures that promote relaxation and bonding. Spend time face-to-face, making deep eye contact and engaging in slow, sensual touching from head to toe. This skin-to-skin contact helps release neurotransmitters in the brain that promote trust, bonding, and desire.
A sexless marriage doesn’t have to be permanent. You and your spouse can reignite the passion and strengthen your relationship by rebuilding intimacy through small steps, playful experimentation, and primal connection. Communication, creativity, and consistency are keys to transforming your sex life and bringing back the joy of intimacy.
