I just want your extra time and your
[Muah muah muah muah muah]
Do you like to kiss? Kissing is a universal language that communicates feelings of love, attraction, longing, sexual desire, and passion. The Romans believed that sealing a contract required a kiss – that’s why we hear, “you may now kiss the bride” after a wedding ceremony. Some cultures greet and show respect through a kiss. Whether it’s passion, intimacy, love, or respect, kissing is one of the fundamental ways in which human beings communicate love and desire.
Couples may have different values around kissing and disagree on how much kissing is important in the relationship. Women have more primal intimacy needs than men. Research shows that women use kissing to assess if a partner is compatible on a biological level. A woman can tell by one kiss if she wants to continue the relationship. Men gauge compatibility more through sex. Both men and women agree that kissing is important for romantic intensity and when it stops happening in a long-term relationship, lack of sexual desire usually shows up.
Kissing is more important for your relationship than sex and here’s why…
Kissing fuels the pleasure center of the brain by releasing the “love hormone” oxytocin causing us to feel connected and bonded to a partner. It also releases dopamine which activates our reward center – the center of motivation and craving for more pleasure. Many couples report that kissing is more pleasurable and intimate than sex. Think back to the days of long make-out sessions and passionate kissing that seemed to last into the night. It was playful, passionate, and pleasurable all on its own. Sometimes we don’t get in the mood until we fire up our arousal through kissing. It’s the best form of foreplay. We need to feel passion, desire, and excitement to activate our sexual response and to keep it going during sex. When is the last time you kissed your partner passionately during sex? It can heighten arousal and orgasm while making you feel bonded and connected to your partner.
Our lips and tongues are sex organs that resemble the vulva and penis.
The difference between our lips, mouths, tongues from our genitals, is that they don’t tire as easily. Kissing can energize the body and activate arousal. It can even restart arousal after sex.
In the sacred sexuality practice of Tantra, the woman’s upper lip is connected to her palate and clitoris. If a man sucks or nibbles on her lip it subtly arouses her by stimulating the clitoris. The tongue anatomically echoes the penis so using it slowly and patiently can be sensual and erotic. The tongue can penetrate the mouth and the mouth can suck on the tongue. It gives a new meaning to oral sex.
When we kiss passionately and enjoy it, we feel more relaxed and increase our receptivity to our partner’s lips. A good kiss can communicate personality and sexual characteristics of our partners. The arousal from kissing is essential to fully enjoying sex and keeping desire alive in a relationship.
Couples should enjoy kissing as a pleasurable form of intimacy. When one partner feels that kissing can lead to sex, it can sometimes send the wrong message. Kissing is an act all on its own and shouldn’t always lead to sex. Communication is key. If you want to kiss and not have it lead to sex, say it! If you want to kiss more to help you get in the mood, SAY IT! Couples that kiss often have more sex AND report higher sexual desire. Couples can set a kissing date with no expectations. Kissing is a universal activity and you can literally kiss your way to better sex.