Relationship Advice from a Relationship Expert
Answers Questions on Marriage, Modern Relationships, and Keeping Sex Fresh
Marriage and long-term relationships look very different today than they did a century ago. Cultural norms, gender roles, financial pressures, and emotional expectations have all evolved, shaping how people approach commitment, intimacy, and connection. Licensed psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Shannon Chavez offers insight into why marriage rates have declined, why couples are waiting longer to commit, and how partners can strengthen communication and keep intimacy alive.
Why has the marriage rate dropped so significantly since the 1920s?
The marriage rate has declined largely because cultural roles and expectations around relationships have shifted dramatically. Marriage is not a static institution, it reflects the social and economic realities of its time. In the 1920s, women had limited access to education, career opportunities, and financial independence. Marriage was often viewed as a social and economic necessity rather than a personal choice.
Today, women are more educated, financially independent, and represented across industries that were once male-dominated. Both men and women are socialized toward more egalitarian partnerships, which has changed the timeline and meaning of marriage. People are no longer marrying to survive, they are marrying for emotional compatibility, shared values, and long-term fulfillment.
There is also a cultural lag. While expectations for marriage have evolved, the support systems that once helped sustain long-term partnerships have not kept pace. Fewer people are encouraged to marry young, and many grew up in single-parent or non-traditional households, which reshapes beliefs about commitment and partnership. As gender roles continue to change, marriage itself continues to be redefined.
Why are couples waiting longer before getting married?
Many couples are delaying marriage because education, career development, and financial stability are now prioritized earlier in adulthood. Younger generations want to establish independence and security before committing to a long-term partnership. Graduate school, career mobility, and economic uncertainty all contribute to longer dating periods.
There is also greater social acceptance of long-term dating, cohabitation, and remaining unmarried. Modern dating culture often emphasizes exploration and choice, sometimes favoring quantity over depth. While this can offer valuable self-discovery, it can also make it harder to identify long-term compatibility.
People today are more intentional about marriage. Rather than following a prescribed timeline, couples are waiting until they feel emotionally ready, aligned in values, and confident in their partnership.
What is the number one issue couples face today?
Communication remains the most common challenge for couples. This includes not just a lack of communication, but ineffective communication. Many couples struggle to express needs clearly, listen without defensiveness, or address difficult topics before resentment builds.
Partners often communicate frequently about logistics and daily stressors, yet avoid deeper conversations about finances, dissatisfaction, emotional needs, or sex. Without healthy communication tools, conflict can turn into withdrawal, passive aggression, or chronic tension.
Unresolved emotional baggage from past relationships also plays a role. Many individuals carry old attachment wounds, trust issues, or unmet needs into new partnerships. When couples learn effective communication skills, they often find that many other challenges, including intimacy and conflict, become more manageable.
How can couples improve communication, intimacy, and connection?
Vulnerability is essential. Healthy relationships require ongoing self-awareness and emotional honesty. Each partner is continuously evolving, physically, emotionally, and sexually. Recognizing this evolution helps couples stay connected rather than drifting apart.
Stress, life transitions, and external pressures often impact intimacy first. Sex does not disappear because desire is gone, it often fades because connection has weakened. Intimacy does not have to mean intercourse. It can include touch, closeness, shared pleasure, emotional presence, and intentional time together.
Less can truly be more. Simple acts like kissing, eye contact, holding hands, and mindful touch help regulate the nervous system and reinforce emotional safety. These small moments are often more powerful than grand gestures.
How can couples keep sex fresh in long-term relationships?
Sexual desire naturally ebbs and flows over time. Keeping sex fresh means understanding that intimacy is a blend of mind, body, and emotional connection. The brain plays a central role in arousal, and positive sexual memories can reignite desire when shared or recalled.
Compliments and appreciation matter. Expressing attraction, gratitude, and enjoyment strengthens emotional bonds and reinforces sexual confidence. Talking openly about desires and curiosities can bring playfulness and creativity back into the relationship.
Trying something new does not require pushing boundaries or engaging in anything uncomfortable. Novelty can be as simple as changing routines, slowing down, or approaching intimacy with curiosity rather than expectation.
Body image and self-perception also impact desire. Feeling connected to your own body enhances pleasure and confidence. When both partners prioritize self-acceptance and emotional wellbeing, sex often becomes more fulfilling and natural.
Final Thoughts
Modern relationships require intention, communication, and adaptability. Marriage and long-term partnership are no longer defined by tradition alone, but by emotional connection, mutual respect, and shared growth. By learning how to communicate effectively, remain emotionally present, and approach intimacy with curiosity, couples can build relationships that feel meaningful, resilient, and deeply connected.
