What Women Really NEED In Bed: Tips to please a woman “the first time around”
What Women Really NEED in Bed: A Therapist’s Guide to Pleasing Her the First Time
I recently had the pleasure of joining Tripp, dating coach and host of the How To Talk To Girls podcast over at trippadvice.com, where we unpacked some of the biggest misconceptions men have about sex and intimacy.
In our conversation, we focused on what really matters during a first-time sexual experience — especially from a woman’s perspective. Below, I’m sharing key takeaways and practical advice you can use right now to shift the pressure, deepen connection, and truly please her in bed.
First, Let’s Debunk the Sex Myths
So many men (and women) carry harmful myths about sex — such as thinking they need to perform in a specific way or that feeling emotional about sex is somehow “wrong.” These beliefs are rooted in outdated cultural messaging, not reality.
Let’s be clear: There is no “normal” way to have sex. Great sex looks different for every couple and every encounter. It’s not about porn-like performance, it’s about connection, pleasure, and presence.
“My idea of great sex might not be yours — and that’s exactly the point.”
What to Focus on the First Time
Whether it’s your first time with a new partner or your first time ever, these six therapist-backed tips can help you create a more relaxed, connected, and satisfying sexual experience — for both of you.
1. Relax — Ditch the Outcome
Before anything physical begins, focus on emotional safety. If you’re tense, overly focused on performance, or worried about getting it right, you’re disconnecting from the moment. Women pick up on that. A calm, open presence sets the tone for mutual comfort and trust.
2. Slow Down — Seriously
This is the most common complaint I hear from women in therapy:
“He rushes everything.”
Here’s the science: it takes a woman an average of 20 minutes to become fully aroused. That means foreplay isn’t optional, it’s essential. Explore her body with curiosity, not urgency. Make her feel wanted, not rushed. Start from the outside in — pleasure every inch, not just the parts you’ve been conditioned to go straight to.
3. Use All of You — Not Just Your Penis
Men often default to being penis-focused. But true pleasure comes from full-body engagement. Use your hands, mouth, breath, voice, and eyes. Kissing, gentle sucking on fingers, and sensual touch all replicate the intimacy of penetration without jumping ahead.
Remember, the penis is a guest, not the star of the show.
4. Break the Routine Before It Starts
Even in new relationships, repetition can kill excitement fast. Women thrive on variety, novelty, and emotional attunement. Don’t be afraid to switch it up — time of day, environment, positions, even conversation.
Trying something new (a technique, a toy, a fantasy) increases dopamine and desire. Let sex be playful and evolving.
5. Fantasy Is Healthy — Permission Granted
The brain is your biggest sex organ. Fantasizing doesn’t mean you’re unhappy — it means you’re human. It helps reveal hidden desires and expand your understanding of what excites you.
Encourage open dialogue about fantasy. You don’t have to act on everything — but giving each other space to explore ideas builds trust and eroticism.
6. Masturbation Isn’t Optional, It’s Foundational
Mutual masturbation is one of the best ways to learn what your partner enjoys. It’s also a safe space to show, not tell. Solo masturbation — when done mindfully — improves climax control, boosts arousal, and strengthens body awareness.
Want a tip? Switch up your routine. Try lube, different strokes, or using your non-dominant hand to retrain sensation and build stronger erectile response.
Final Thoughts
Only a small percentage of women orgasm from penetration alone. What they need is attention, time, variety, and presence.
The most important thing you can do? Ask, listen, slow down, and stay curious.
For more support around intimacy, performance concerns, or building confidence in the bedroom, reach out to me here.
