Top 10 Ways to Make Sex Exciting Again
According to Science, Therapy, and Real‑World Couples
Keeping passion alive isn’t luck, it’s a skill.
Research shows that sexual boredom is a stronger predictor of relationship dissatisfaction than low desire (Psychology Today), and satisfaction often dips after the first year (Women’s Health). But with a few intentional changes, couples can reignite connection and make intimacy exciting again.
As a psychologist and certified sex therapist based in Beverly Hills and Pasadena, I help individuals and couples reconnect with their desires, communication, and intimacy. Here are ten practical and proven ways to bring excitement back into your sex life.
1. Schedule “Novelty Nights”
Couples who engage in shared new experiences report higher sexual satisfaction and long-term passion (ScienceDirect). Plan a weekly “novelty night” for new activities, whether it’s a dance class, themed foreplay, or just switching roles. Novelty activates dopamine and helps reignite early-stage chemistry.
2. Talk About Fantasies, Not Just Schedules
Sexually satisfied couples consistently report open communication about fantasies, turn-ons, and desires (PsyPost). Start by asking, “What’s one fantasy you’ve never told me?” or use a journal if direct conversation feels intimidating.
3. Add Sensual Massage Outside the Bedroom
According to a national survey, 87% of adults included cuddling or massage in their most recent sexual experience (PubMed). Massage lowers cortisol and raises oxytocin, the bonding hormone. It’s foreplay, healing, and stress relief rolled into one.
4. Use Vibrators for More Than Just Genitals
Small, body-safe vibrators like Woo More Play’s Mushroom Vibez can be used on the neck, inner thighs, lower back, or collarbones to stimulate the nervous system and create a full-body arousal experience. Vibration increases blood flow and activates pleasure receptors, without pressure to climax.
5. Change the Location
Switching settings—living room, guest bedroom, even the back seat of your car—can spike adrenaline and boost arousal. A change of scenery increases excitement and lowers routine-based mental barriers (Women’s Health).
6. Build Anticipation All Day
A flirty text, a voice memo, or a discreet selfie can spark desire long before the lights go out. Couples who build anticipation experience greater desire and feel more emotionally connected during sex (Journal of Sex Research).
7. Explore Role-Play (Lite)
Role-play doesn’t have to mean costumes or scripts. Try speaking in an accent, acting like strangers at a bar, or giving each other playful “missions.” Light identity play has been shown to reignite desire through psychological novelty (Archives of Sexual Behavior).
8. Schedule Pleasure, Not Just Chores
The average couple has sex about once a week (Verywell Health), yet most plan chores, meetings, and workouts, leaving intimacy to chance. Schedule “us time” and treat it like any other self-care priority.
9. Make Time for Non-Sexual Touch
Daily non-sexual touch (hand-holding, hugging, snuggling) increases emotional safety and physical intimacy. These moments create a foundation of trust that naturally spills into desire (Frontiers in Psychology).
10. Consider Sex Therapy or Intimacy Coaching
A 2023 meta-analysis showed that couples who engage in sex therapy report a 60% improvement in sexual satisfaction within three months (Medicine, Wolters Kluwer). Working with a certified sex therapist can help uncover emotional blocks, performance pressure, or mismatched desires that affect your connection.
Quick Stats at a Glance
- 87% include massage or cuddling in sexual encounters (PubMed)
- Most couples report sex once per week (Verywell Health)
- Sexual boredom is more damaging than low desire (Psychology Today)
Making sex exciting again doesn’t require reinvention, it just needs curiosity, communication, and a bit of creativity. Choose one or two ideas from this list and start there. And if you feel stuck, reach out for guidance. Intimacy is something we can rebuild, refine, and enjoy—together.
