What Women Really NEED In Bed:  Tips to please a woman “the first time around”

I recently had a wonderful opportunity to speak with dating coach Tripp, from trippadvice.com on his How To Talk To Girls Podcast. We discussed the common myths that many males (and females) believe about sex and I shared some advice on making a mind-blowing first impression in the bedroom.

Listen to the full podcast above or listen on Sticher.com. Read on to debunk those sex myths and learn what women love in bed!

Debunking The Myths Around Sex

Whether it’s the belief that it isn’t normal to feel emotional about sex or that they are must perform at a certain standard to please their partner – many males have misconceptions around sexuality and what it means to be “normal” when it comes to sex. 

Although much of these ideas are unfortunately engrained into our culture – it is important everyone, male or female, understand that there is no normal when it comes to having sex!

“What is great sex? My idea of great sex is probably not your idea of great sex!” 

Sex is unique to everyone and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Remember that there isn’t a norm, ideal or image you need to fulfill in order to be a great sexual partner.

Having great sex has a lot more to do with your attitude and motivation than it does with skills or with what you are doing sexually.

The mechanics, acts, positions, and even your ability to perform are not even half as important as the pleasure and play components of sex. It’s less about what you are doing and more about how you’re connecting with another human being.


So, what should a male focus on when he is about to have sex with a woman for the first time?

Did You Know: A very small percentage of women can orgasm from intercourse alone. When it comes to sex, women require time, intimacy and attention to detail.

Here are six tips to help ease the pressure the first time you take things into the bedroom together:

  • RELAX — Before any touching occurs, it’s important both of you feel 100% relaxed. If you go in solely focused on the outcome, you’ll miss the opportunity to be present and in the moment. Being goal oriented only creates tension and pressure, which will ultimately effect how you’re feeling and connecting with your partner.
  • SLOW DOWN! — Take it nice and slow. In my practice, the #1 complaint I hear from women about sex is that men don’t take their time. Woman’s bodies take about 20 minutes to become fully aroused, so foreplay is essential! Your woman wants to feel desired by you, so don’t be afraid to pleasure her from head to toe. There’s a lot more there than one (or two) particular parts…
  • USE ALL THE PARTS — Allow your body, mind and heart to be fully engaged and present. Your genitals can be there but they don’t have to be the primary focus! Get creative with your mouth and hands. Try using your tongue to penetrate your partners’ mouth, or suck on their fingers or toes. These acts anatomically replicate sex and send the same signal and reward of sexual pleasure to the brain. Allow the penis to be a part of it, but not the main focus!

Stop being so PENIS focused!

  • CHANGE UP THE ROUTINE — Just because the two of you recently started sleeping together doesn’t mean you need to stick to the same thing every time. Too much of the same thing can often lead to boredom so don’t be afraid to change things up in the bedroom! Sexual novelty can actually increase the level of hormones that are responsible for sexual desire. Women love when their partner learns a new technique or tries something new in bed. Sex doesn’t have to happen at the same time, or place – I highly encourage variety and keeping yourself open to finding new ways to please each other.

Be adventurous, break out of the routine – there are different types of sex and so many different things you can try together in the bedroom.

  • IT’S FINE TO FANTASIZE — Did you know that our brain is our biggest sex organ? Sexual fantasy gives you insight on what you want and need sexually and it’s essential for our sexual health. Don’t be afraid to give yourself permission to fantasize outside of your relationship – it’s nothing to be ashamed of, or an indication that you may act on those behaviors; it’s a sign of what you may be craving sexually!

  • AND IT’S OK TO MASTURBATE! — Masturbation is equally as important as any other sexual activity. It can increase your desire and arousal response – making it easier to climax and orgasm during sex. I always recommend that couples try mutual masturbation to gain insight on ways your partner pleasures their own body and then introduce new ways to explore each other in the bedroom. Also changing up your style of masturbation by adding lubrication, trying new sensations or using your non-dominate hand can help improve erectile response and control.

Have any other sexual health issues, questions or concerns? If you’re dealing with erectile issues, exploring your sexual potential or have any sexual concerns, please use this form to contact me for more support.



A Mind-Body Approach to Sexual Health and Pleasure Enhancement

Helping individuals and couples overcome their misconceptions and barriers toward better sexual health